My brother's gone to battle
With the bloke who lives next door
He plans from his conservatory
He's read The Art of War
A Field Marshall in the making
He's an arsenal in his shed
Bought from B and Q and Homebase
He's that one step ahead
He's got super trooper spotlights
Which he's had passed by the planners
And twelve foot panelled fencing
His wife's a bag of spanners
He's got noisy windmill mobiles
They whirr and whine throughout the night
A Green Mountain Sugar Maple
Blocking out his neighbour's light
He cuts the lawn whilst naked
With his petrol powered mower
Has bonfires in the daytime
He's a Rambo Percy Thrower
It's a suburban moral minefield
The darkest Michael Bentine show
His tank's a people carrier
He's The South Shields Arthur Lowe
It's not like he's a moron
His head's a hothouse of ideas
He's on Operation Beehive
This may well go on for years
